Why do people keep staring at my cock?

Disclaimer: This is a humorous, fictional tale that I once wrote on another website that I recently deleted. I decided to combine it to the post (which is now Part 2 - that was about a rooster) on this blog. They were both wrote during the year 2010, so they are rather old, but funny, nonetheless.

Part 1: "Why do people keep staring at my cock?"

I’m tired of all this talk about male enhancement and people suffering from a small penis. Blah-blah, you’ve got problems but maybe some of us are sick of hearing about it. Plus, the shoddy adverts for “performance pills” are not very convincing. Anyway, since everybody else can cry about their penis, I figured I’d join the party.  Cheers now!

Yes folks, I got a big, divine dong and I’m proud of it.  BUT, I also have a huge problem.  I can’t figure out why some people keep staring at my cock!

These problems started early on, years ago, even in High School. But recently, it has just gotten ridiculous, and I wanted to talk about some (too many to list) examples of these freaks who have staring problems! Okay, like, this past spring, I had some clown run over my mailbox because of this very issue. I was almost done mowing my yard and was just finishing up the front yard, but suddenly, I got an urge to take a piss. I was not about to walk all the way inside the house just to urinate, then have to come back out there and finish the mowing job. So, I just stood by a tree and took a whiz right there, you know, to save steps. Well, here comes some car slowly going down the road, in front of my house. I didn’t think anything about it, figured I’d wave like a friendly neighbor and be done with it. But no, no, no… This maniac comes down the road with their eyes glued to my urinating meatpole – while not even looking at the road – and runs over my damn mailbox! I don’t even think the fool even noticed my courtesy-wave, but whatever. I hurried up and finished, then I zipped up my bulging package and went running towards the mailbox, then this lunatic takes off. Yeah, the bastard performed a hit & run on my USPS receptor, but luckily for me, the damages weren’t too bad. I swear, people need to pay more attention to the road!

Another recent example is when I went to the dentist office about a month ago. I had to get a couple fillings (fill the caries with silver or some other unknown alloy), but the only good thing about the visit was the super-sexy dental assistant. She had these big, succulent breasts, and full thick lips. The whole time I was laying there getting my teeth drilled, I kept fantasizing about having sex with this woman. Oh, man, I was feeling so aroused. Well, anyway, she was supposed to be holding that suction thing in my mouth where the dentist is working at – to catch the fragments that occur from getting a tooth drilled and to also suck up the water when it is sprayed in there on occasions. I was laying back in that chair, daydreaming about thrusting my manhood into her available openings and then AHH! She evidently wasn’t paying attention and let that suction device slide out of my mouth and then hovered it over one of my nostrils and I jumped as it tickled a nostril hair or something – and the dentist slipped the drill and hit one of my good teeth. After a quick yell from the dentist, telling her to pay attention, they resumed. I thought to myself “okay, that was weird.” Well, I went back to fantasizing about ramming her with my swollen rod and a minute or so later, she did it again! Talk about pissed! The dentist, without thinking, yelled out, “if you’d quit staring at his genitalia, maybe you could pay attention to your job!” The assistant, now embarrassed, left the room and I never seen her again. The dentist said he would be right back, and when he returned, he brought a different dental assistant in there. She was older and somewhat resembled a troll, but oh well… I don’t know why the other assistant was staring at my cock because they BOTH were supposed to be working on my teeth! Some people really have some serious issues, I suppose. Upon leaving, the dentist told me that next time, I should probably take care of some things before coming in there. Confused by that asinine statement, I said, “like, take care of what?” He started to stare at my genital region and then began to nod… I said, “you people are fucking crazy,” and left. I never went back to that dental asylum again!

This next example is just plain gay. A couple weeks ago, I ordered a pizza and some cheese sticks from a pizzeria. Instead of picking it up, I had it delivered – since I was in a hurry. Anyway, I set the money on the counter by the door, drank me a beer, smoked a cigarette, and decided to take a quick shower. Oh yeah, I was starting to crave some damn delicious pizza by now, and I couldn’t wait until my supreme pizza fucking arrived! After showering, when I got out, I realized that I forgot to bring my clothes into the bathroom. …On the way to my room, I decided that I wanted another beer, so I went into the kitchen, butt naked as could be (nobody was home, so who cares). About the time I shut the fridge door, I heard a knock at the door behind me. I look out and it’s the damn pizza guy already! I was thinking it usually took them longer to get here, but whatever… It’s too late to get dressed, since I don’t want to keep a person of delivery waiting – especially with hot pizza, so I grab the money off the counter and open the door. The guy, with his mouth wide open while staring at my cock, drops the damn pizza and cheese sticks on the ground and starts walking backwards. I’m holding the money in my hand, but refuse to go any further since I’m butt naked…so I yell, “hey, do you want this!” I said that several times, but it seemed to make him move even quicker to his car. I thought to myself, “hey, if he doesn’t want to take the money for the pizza, then that is his problem.” All I could do was ask, but either way, the guy had some serious staring problems and he seemed to think my dick was a focal point or something that he should be gawking at while refusing to take my money. All I was trying to do was pay for my meal, nothing more! I’m telling ya, some of these people are fucking nuts!

This last example is really recent. It involves a couple co-workers. These two were girlfriend & boyfriend at the time, but that’s not important. I have this fire ring that I built last year, outside, in a distant field. I invited them over for a weekend beer party and we were going to build a fire and all that good stuff. Me and my girlfriend along with this couple, were having a good time on the beginning by the toasty campfire. The other guy ended up getting sick midway through the night and went home. Shortly after, my girlfriend became tired and went inside to go to bed. So, it is just me and this other girl. She seemed to be a big drinker. She didn’t look all that great in the face, but she had a body that you would kill for. Anyway, while being nice to her since she was a guest, I suggested to her that maybe we can “play around” and that I could perhaps shove my over-sized shaft into any orifice she deemed available. She was barely coherent at the time and was very intoxicated, but I think I heard a “yes” in there amid her mumbles or I suppose it could have been my imagination, who knows… So, I grabbed her sternly, bent her over, shucked her pants and panties down, and began trying to pervade her vaginal cavity like the good guy I am. Man, that stuff was seriously tight. I had to keep spitting on my cock since I didn’t have any available lube out in the wilderness, but eventually, I finally broke through her firm barrier of welded madness. Oh, she screamed like I was raping her or something. I was thinking, “what is your problem?” I repetitively pounded away, stroke after stroke, thrust after thrust, while I tried to become oblivious to the fact that she sounded like a dying dog during the process. I assumed that this bitch was an ex-mental patient since she seemed to act so wild & childish while I was cramming ever inch I could get into her seemingly vice-grip-like vagina. After a few minutes, I couldn’t stand her cries any longer and I pulled out and ejaculated all over her drunken face.

Anyway, after that, I went inside to get some more beer. When I got inside, I noticed that I had blood all over me.

I was like, WTF? When I went back outside, she was passed out on the ground – but she did manage to put her pants & panties back on before collapsing to the fire-warmed earth. I said, “this sucks; get up!” She didn’t seem to respond but she was at least still breathing. Well, the next day, my girlfriend had to take her home. I must have been asleep because I don’t remember her doing such…or how…or if the other girl even made it back in the house that night.

To make a long story short, I found out later that those two (my co-workers that I invited over) were waiting until they got married to have sex and that she was still a virgin. Oops! Hell, I didn’t know! Anyway, a couple days later, I heard they broke up for good and just the other day, the funniest thing happened at work… As I passed this guy in the hallway, towards the end of the workday, he was soooo staring at my “stuff” as if he envied it or whatever…and tripped over a dust mop that was laying across his path, and landed face down into the concrete floor. I was thinking to myself in a humorous fashion, after he fell, “finally, someone gets paid back for staring at my cock!” Why do people keep staring at my cock? Ha-ha!

The following is the comments this post originally had on my old website:

Comment#1:

howbiz says:

September 28, 2010 at 4:06 pm

1st you need to go shopping for some new jeans. People are staring because you need some that don’t fit as tight around your “BIG” cock. 2nd you need to quit bragging about how “BIG” you cock is. Usually when I hear a guy talking about his cock size, he is usually lying, really insecure and usually a huge tool, I.E. YOU! By the way, next time you rape someone else’s girlfriend/fiance around a campfire, you can think about having the “BIG” nasty penis of your chopped off inch by inch. Fucking idiot! Get a life and quit bragging. Good day!

Comment#2:

Administrator says:

September 29, 2010 at 12:40 am

@Showbiz: First of all, you sound dick deprived or something… Ha-ha! By the way, you must be the idiot, since you failed to noticed that the post was clearly labeled under the ‘Fictional Short Stories’ & ‘Poppycock & Humor’ categories at the bottom of the fucking post! Try paying more attention, in the future, before you blast asinine comments into the comment field.

I must say, that is true about how most guys who brag about their big cock usually have very little to show for it, and are simply talking out of their ass. However, luckily for me, I do have a rather large man pole, but I don’t go around bragging about it, in real life.

Thanks for the lovely comment; have a great day and good luck with your hunt to find a new, massive, perpendicular penis in your life! LOL!

Comment#3:

Farmboy says:

September 29, 2010 at 10:43 am

Dear o dear I stumbled across your story quite by accident. I thought it was about

your prize rooster or something. Unlike some others who have posted comments.

I did notice from the start it was a fictional story. Perhaps they have quit teaching

what the word fictional means. Anyway, good story.

Comment#4:

Administrator says:

September 29, 2010 at 12:20 pm

@Farmboy: Ha-ha! Either way, you were still hoping to be staring at my cock, whether it was a gigantic rooster or not. Thanks for the compliments and I agree, some of the supposed educated ones can’t even comprehend the simplified dictions at hand. Amazingly enough, this “Why do people keep staring at my cock?” post…has been landed on (per my web stats) more than any other blog post on this particular website. Hmm, even in cyber-space, the staring problem still remains…… LOL!

Comment#5:

Kittykat says:

November 10, 2010 at 4:55 am

Damn ! Reading about your bulging package reminds me of

one of those tv ads about the all meat meal with special sauce.

Hmmmmm…yummy !

Comment#6:

Administrator says:

November 10, 2010 at 8:34 am

Brace your self, dear Kittykat!

Damn, people continue to stare at my freakin’ cock, even while using their imagination!

Thanks a lot, for coming in here with your cyber-based staring problems… Ha-ha-ha!

---End of Part 1

Part 2: "Did someone lose their 'Big Cock' or something?"

Hey, you! Did anyone recently lose their freakish-sized cock or something? Or is this simply an image of a crazy cockatrice that has evolved backwards or possibly forwards, into a gigantic rooster? Ha-ha! The image below, represents the age-old question, "Who has the biggest cock on Earth besides the, often envied, Sperm Whale?" Yep, this guy obviously does at the moment, and he had to use a lasso just to bring it in; check it out:

I mean, really, what the fuck? Did someone call for a roundup? Ha-ha!

Yeah-yeah, we all know that this image is fake, but it has its advantages if used properly. Just think, for example, you could send someone that you currently admire an e-mail, perhaps to an individual you haven't spoken to in a while or maybe some potential sex slave you recently met on MySpace, FaceBook or from an adult dating site, while using this image as an icebreaker of some sorts - for your advantage, of course. Just type in the subject line of the e-mail, "check out my huge cock," "only open this message if you want to see my big cock," or "I attached an image file of my massive cock," add the photo as an attachment file, send the e-mail, and if you get a response about it, you know they opened it without actually knowing for sure that you really didn't send a picture of your proud penis, divine dong and/or gleaming lubricated dick of pictorial madness! Ha-ha!

It was just a thought, as I'm trying to find other uses for this asinine, fake-cock photo (after saving it to my picture files), besides using it for just a laugh, even though I'm only currently using it to promote a fictional, humorous post I wrote a few days ago on another site of mine that was entitled: "Why do people keep staring at my cock?" [The link is no longer active, but it is now Part 1 of this post.]

---End of Part 2

---End of Post: "Why do people keep staring at my cock?"